WOW!!! Has it really been 5 months since I have last posted??? Well it sure has been a crazy 5 months! I have moved, started school, witnessed two friends celebrate their recommitment of vows, celebrated my sister's upcoming wedding by throwing her a shower tea, lost 2 individuals I cared about deeply, celebrated my friend's and my sister's graduation, and finished my certificate for school. Talk about a whirlwind!
And amidst that all I hit rock bottom and found God. Yes, that sounds cheesy, but it is true. When at your lowest is when God will bring you the highest. He will lift you from the depths of your darkest days and set you on a mountain where the view will be so clear you will only be able to fall to your knees and cover your eyes because of all the beauty around you. While on my knees, amidst my tears, I finally surrendered to God my life, my desires, my dreams, and I let Him show me His desires and dreams for my life. What a crazy ride that has been! My best friend told me that life without me would not be the same, and that she needed me just as much as I needed her, or something to that extent. So, I have been trying to maintain a positive outlook.
To many it is hard to see the change occurring inside of me, but I can feel it in the depths of my soul. For the first time in my life I feel happy, truly happy, which is ironic since all I want to do is cry. I recently lost my grandpa, my dad's dad, and my beloved cat Princess. I really just want to crawl into a hole in die, which is what I would have done three months ago, but today I feel there is hope and that God has a plan for everything that happens in my life. Looking at my life in February to where I am today, I can only laugh. It is truly amazing how much God can change your life if you let Him!
How has He specifically changed me? Well, for starters, I am taking over my Biblestudy in the Fall as the Leader. Me!? A Leader!? LOL!!! That is definitely something I never saw coming! I like to fade into the background and remain there, but God has decided to push me out of the shadows and into His light. Am I terrified? Absolutely! Am I thrilled? Strangely Yes! And the excitement over what God has in store for me is stronger than the terror that flits around my mind, and that, my friends, is what I consider God speaking to me. I feel courageous and am ready to no longer let my past bind me to the ground.
God's got a plan friends! Live despite your past! And let your past be a light to guide you to the men and women that God wants you to impact for His Kingdom. He's knocking. Answer! He's got something far greater in store for you than you can ever imagine! Look at me. I am leading a study. Me! The shy, independent, stubborn girl who has always lurked in the shadows. But no longer! I am breaking free and stepping into the light, and all I can do is let God lead me, because it is bright here in the open and without God I will be lost.
