The Beginning of the End???

Welcome to the New Year & the End of the World! What is your opinion of that matter? Do you really think the world will end this coming December? I personally believe that the world will end the day after just to throw everyone off their rockers, haha. :) No but seriously, I think the idea of the world ending is preposterous! God said in the Bible that we would not know the day or the time that He was to come back to Earth. The fact that we know the Mayan calendar ended on that day is merely just another mystery we may never be able to answer, but I highly doubt that the end of the world will happen on that December day, the 23 or whatever is the date.

Either way, I have set some goals for my life this year which I intend to strive toward and achieve, whether the world ends or not. I do not personally like the sound of "My New Year's Resolution" so I go with my goals for the year. They are optional ideas that I will strive to achieve with no outside pressure from other people, at least that is how I see the concept. So my goals for this 2012 year are this:

1. Read my Bible & Exercise at least 3x a week.
2. Figure out what God wants for my life & strive to achieve whatever that may be.
3. Finally make & finish a scrapbook of our wedding.
4. Actually write a Christmas letter.
5. Be more organized, especially in my room.
6. Blog at least 7x a month.
7. Be a better person in general, a person that I am proud of and would be proud to show off to the world and have my future children call mom.

What are your goals for this year? Whether you accomplish them or not is besides the point; the idea that you are striving toward something is what matters the most. So write up some goals today! Or write them up in February! Or change them each month! What matters is that you make a conscious decision that this year is your year to make a difference and change into that person you have always desired to be, that person hidden deep down inside of you longing to spread its wings and fly. It may seem like a challenge at first but how much sweeter is the triumph when you step onto that mountain peak and can see just how far you have come since the beginning of your journey. So put your past year behind, make some goals, and start your climb to the top today!

Ending a Year & Starting a Year on A Happy Note

December ended on a great note and January started on a great note, so far my year has been good in short. There were 23 of us on Christmas day. It was an amazing time to catch up with family I have not seen in awhile, my cousin and his fiancee have been gone the longest, a looong seven years. It was so great to see them again. They have been in town but I was always busy with school or work and could not make it to San Diego to see him, sad as it was. This Christmas was a family reunion, not the whole family, but a good portion of us, because we all realized my grandparent's health is steadily declining and decided this Christmas needed to be spent with them. Their house is small and it was very noisy, but that just meant being forced to spend more time with each other. I would not have preferred Christmas any other way.

January started off to a great start as my best friend Bekah was back in town for the Christmas season to visit family. She is currently in Iowa at a Nursing school. I showed up to her house on Christmas Eve with a surprise visit just to chat for a few minutes before heading to see my family. Words cannot express the joy and happiness I felt at seeing her again, and it had only been barely five months, unless you count the couple skype dates then it was less, but those were not in person so it is technically different. Man how I love that girl! She knows every secret of my life and the fact that she has not judged me is proof enough to me that she is a friend that is hard to find and definitely one you do not want to lose. We then met for breakfast the Wednesday after Christmas and spent 3 long hours catching up on life. Then on January 10 she came up to LA and stayed the night. I loved seeing her one last time before she went back to Iowa. It was really awesome that she gave up one of her last nights visiting to hangout with me.

So besides my computer being a pain, wondering if I still am going to have a job at the end of January, and trying to figure out where the forest of money trees are, my life is going quite well here in Sunny California.

Merry Christmas Daddy

My dad passed away 11 years ago on Tuesday, December 13. It has been a long, difficult, emotionally challenging 11 years full of heartbreak and discovering who I am. I have been to the bottom and am finally working my way out of the pit of hell, literally in some aspects. I hope someday my life can reflect the woman my daddy would be proud of and the woman he dreamed I would become. I am pretty sure I have failed him so far, but I hope that when I see him again in Heaven he will be proud of how far I have come in life. Even though I have strayed far, he was always an inspiration, an image of someone I dreamed someday I could be like. Maybe now that I am changing there is still a chance I could be like my dad. And maybe someday when I see him again he will not be disappointed in me, like I fear so many nights.
Merry Christmas Daddy! I will always love you, and I will never forget the legacy you left behind.

Conflict Between 2 Jobs

I just realized I never finished posting about how my job interviews turned out. Well I got both of the jobs! Except I had already officially started working for Target before I knew I got the job at the Brea Library, so unfortunately the Library was not willing to work with my Target schedule and decided to pursue someone with a more open/consistent work schedule. I was really bummed about the Library job since working in the library is what I would love to do, but now that I have worked for Target for a month I am really enjoying my job there, the experience I am acquiring, and the people I have met.

I still miss the Library job, but, as my husband pointed out, who knows maybe I can still work at a library in the future. Who knows what God has in store for me! I am thinking of looking at some of the state and city college libraries around my area come the new year to see if they are hiring because their libraries are bigger and I would not put everyone out of their jobs like I could have if I worked at the Brea Library. ;)

Until then I am enjoying the experience I am gaining at Target. I can almost actually count change finally! lol ;) It is an exhausting job at times, that is for sure, but getting paid is definitely worth it when you have so little money. The only problem is I have to be extra amazing right now because January 15, 2012 is when I will find out if I am hired on as an actual, non-temporary employee of Target or if I am let go and on the hunt once again for another job, which I really do not want to have to do. So until I am told otherwise I am putting my heart into this job and focusing on being amazing so they will see what a benefit I can be to their company. Come January I will give you an update on how things turnout. I pray that God allows me to stay on and if not He opens a new door to a new job that He has laid out for me. It is all in His hands how my job future turns out.

I Am Thankful For...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! (Even though it is a few days late :)

Thanksgiving is, and always will be, my favorite holiday. I just love that there is a holiday not centered around gifts or something momentous like a war or Independence day, not that those are bad things to celebrate but the stress sometimes is too much and takes away the joy the holiday should bring to someone's day. Thanksgiving is just a day where we as a nation can celebrate the simple act of being grateful for all that we have in life already, praise God for how far we have made it over the past year, and maybe even give of ourselves to someone else in need.

At Seacoast Grace, where I go to church, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving our Pastor encouraged us to think of what we are grateful and thankful for the most. In my opinion it was one of the best services I have ever been to in a LONG TIME! It was down to earth, practical, and applicable. I suggest you listen to the sermon, or any of the sermons, because they are quite good. Here is the link to the Thanksgiving sermon in case you are interested: http://seacoastgrace.org/messages/tips_for_thanksgiving/ One of the things he did was have us take time in church to list the top 20 things that came to mind that we are thankful for in our life today. So, listed below in no specific order are my 20 things that I am thankful for the most this year:

1.  My Husband, who gives me more chances than I deserve
2. My Baby, Princess, My Cat, My Best Friend
3. Having a job, even though it is just a Seasonal Position
4. Second, Third, Fourth Chances in life I do not deserve
5. A Loving, Forgiving God who never gave up on me even when I gave up on Him
6. A roof over my head
7. My Daddy, who has inspired & driven me, even in death, to be a better, godly person that this world desperately needs
8. My Crazy, Messed Up, Loving, Caring Family, especially My Mother who does not give herself enough credit & My Brother who I has saved my life countless times without knowing it
9. A Reliable Car
10. Amazing friends that love me even when I have betrayed & used them
11. My Small Group at Seacoast Grace, they are my life ring that God threw my way when I could swim no farther on my own
12. No Serious Health Issues that require a Doctor
13. My $10,000 CD that helped my husband & I make it through a year of marraige
14. My Professor Dr. Lister & his wife
15. Seacoast Grace Women's Events, never before have I felt so at home in a room full of strangers
16. Hot Water
17. Living in CA, I may not like it but I am blessed to be here
18. A Free Country where I can express my thoughts, vote, read my Bible, & pray
19. Having enough money to pay off my tuition & thus only having Ben's loans for Biola
20. My Boots that keep my feet warm

We as humans are by nature negative people. It took me writing down what I was thankful for, not an easy task at first by the way, for me to think of all I have to be grateful for in my life. I was amazed at how just the act of writing down what I was grateful for turned my negative attitude into a positive one. I guess there is hope for me after all, and if there is hope for me in all the bad things I have done, there is definitely hope for you as well in whatever struggle or walk of life you are going through as well. What are you thankful for in your life? It is amazing how just writing down a few things can change your perspective on what before seemed like a bleary, hopeless day, year, life.

Hope Heals!

Today I went to a Women's Breakfast at Seacoast Grace, the church I am currently going to, and what a wonderful time of fellowship with a new friend of mine and a chance to hear Katherine Wolf speak of her victory over a brain stem stroke that could alone be contributed to God. I encourage you to check out her website! www.hope-heals.com

She gave us 4 things to think about, her new motto for life after the tragedy in her life that she now sees as a blessing:

1. Hope While You Cope

    -My hope & my faith are not dependent on my circumstances

2. Heal in Your Home

    -Create an atmosphere at home that encourages you to work toward a better future

3. Don't Wait to Celebrate!

     -Tomorrow is Uncertain, so Celebrate Today!
     -Find a reason to celebrate even what you may consider "the little achievements"
4. Too Blessed to be Bitter
     -Bad things happen and life is full of suffering, but find the ways you are blessed in those struggles
     -Thank God for blessing you with the chance to help someone else who is going through similar struggles
     -See this as your chance to turn your hurt into someone else's help

I see these four points as a new challenge for my life. It is so true that we never know how much time we have on this earth. We need to spend that time rejoicing in the blessings God has given in our lives and embrace the moment to share those blessings with those around us. Life is too short to waste it. I want to Live Life! And I can rest assured that with God there will be "a blessing in every storm" because "for some reason God wanted these trials to happen, and He is working them for His good." And to discover that reason, my friends, is something to live for!

2 Job Interviews

I had basically given up on getting a job, really I had. It has been 5 months since Biola globally terminated me, and every job I applied to never got back to me. I was so relieved, and overwhelmed, when I got 2 calls for 2 different interviews on, of course, the same day. At least all the stress was at once not over a period of a week. Now that I have had the interviews, most nerve wracking thing ever!!!, I just have to wait to hear back from the employers. I just hope I get one of the jobs. It is so difficult to survive on basically nothing and wonder each month if we will be able to pay rent or not. So the next couple of days are all up to God and whether he wants me to have these jobs or not. Update later! :)