My Chaotic Calm

It's crazy to think I started this blog years ago in the concrete jungles of California and for the last year have finally been enjoying a country sort of life in Northwest Washington. And yet, somehow the calm I desire is lost in the chaotic, ceaseless days of motherhood. I search for it in the tears and tantrums, the diaper changes and kitchen duties, the loads of laundry and towers of toys. My craving for a country calm is still ever so present.

Through my search though I think I have found a new routine of chaotic days that never seem to end where calm is just out of reach. I have found when the silent slumbers and snuggle moments occur, when I grasp the calm for a brief moment, I cherish these times so much more. They are fleeting and fewer between as Emmalyn changes from a baby to a toddler, but they are that much more important.

So I'll hold her a little tighter during the snuggles and brace myself for the storm to come when she wakes. I think though we as moms can agree that we love, even if just a little, the crazy moments our children throw upon us that disrupted the quiet, calm me moments of our previous mundane lives. I know motherhood has changed me, and though I'm still craving for my country calm, I'm cherishing the crazy, chaotic, and quiet detours thrown across my path as I forage ahead on my quest for the ever elusive calm.